Demon Contest
by WomanWithAQuill
Summary: Kassie is the game piece in a Demon contest. The rating is for future chapters. Please R and R. This my my first ff and constructive criticism would be appreciated. Gasp! I actually updated! It must be a sign of the apocalypse, run for your lives!
1. Demon Challenge

Disclaimer:I do not own Xanth, Piers Anthony owns Xanth (I don't even own a single grain of magic dust)

The character Kassie belongs to me.

Chapter One

Demon Challenge

The meeting had begun with E(A/R)th accusing X(A/N)th of kidnapping lesser creatures from his own domain.

"That's ridiculous," X(A/N)th countered as he surveyed the large room which had been provided by S(A/T)(U/R)n for the occasion . The others were all present to witness the exchange, but had agreed not to interfere. "Kidnapping implies force. I have never forced any lesser creatures to enter my domain. Many of them come by accident, but most of them stay because they prefer it to the domain which they have left."

"Are you saying your realm is better than mine!" E(A/R)th said furiously.

"Not at all," (X(A/N)th replied "I am merely stating that lesser creatures, who enter my domain from your own, have in most instances found mine preferable.

"Then you would not refuse a challenge to prove this?" E(A/R)th inquired "If I win I will select those creatures which are mine and return them to my own realm. Furthermore, Once I have identified and removed all my creatures from your realm you will take steps that none others enter it, from any domain. And you will trade positions of status with me"

X(A/N)th knew exactly what E(A/R)th would do if he won; he would carry away every lesser creature, living or not living, from Xanth to Earth; where everything, except the full humans, would slowly die from the lack of magic - leaving X(A/N)th devoid of lesser creatures.

"If I refuse?" he asked.

"Then you will have proven your guilt." There was a murmur of agreement from the other Demons. E(A/R)th was been right, of course, a refusal of contest in the face of such an accusation would indeed look like an admission of guilt. X(A/N)th considered this for a fraction of a moment, (less in fact since the entire conversation had taken place in a fraction of moment), and then answered E(A/R)th.

"Agreed," he announced "If I win you will cease these petty accusations and revert to the status of below that of P(L/U)to." From the audience P(L/U)to nodded, at the time he was the least of the greater Demons.

Now it was E(A/R)th's turn to consider. At present he was third, just below J(U/P)(I/T)er. If he agreed to X(A/N)th's conditions and lost, he would slide down an entire seven status levels. But the thought of gaining X(A/N)th's number one spot was too much of a temptation for him. "Agreed," he announced.

"Challenge," X(A/N)th demanded.

"You claim these lesser creatures enter your realm of their own free will?"

"Or by accident," X(A/N)th had repeated "However, all who stay, do so of their own free will."

"'Who'?" E(R/T)th laughed "You think too highly of your lesser creatures. Perhaps you have been spending too much time in the company of that lesser female?"

"Chlorine," X(A/N)th answered "It is true that I place much more value in my creatures than any of the other Demons do in theirs. They have, after all, aided me in the winning of many contests."

"They are popular game pieces." E(A/R)th replied.

"Indeed" was all X(A/N) said but let the other Demon see his annoyance. His own lesser creatures had been used for contests in which he was not even a participant.

"Suppose this time we use one of my own?" E(A/R)th offered.

"Explain." X(A/N)th was suspicious.

"I have selected this game piece," in the palm of his hand E(A/R)th held the image of a female Mundane, named Kassie, who was not so young as to be considered a 'teen' but not yet into what lesser creatures referred to as 'middle age'. A further inspection revealed that she did not believe in magic or anything else which made up the fabric of X(A/N)th's realm. It seemed that most times she had trouble even believing in herself. "It is not much of a lesser creature," E(A/R)th had concluded.

"That is because she has been subjugated to your over controlling tendencies," X(A/N)th informed him "where she a Xanthian she would be more."

"You believe that you can increase it?"

"I know that I can."

"Very well. If you win I will give you this game piece, so that you may 'increase' it to your hearts desire."

"Agreed," X(A/N)th replied "If you win?"

"I will destroy it." E(A/R)th obviously did not have the kind of regard for his lesser creatures that X(A/N)th did for his.

"Conditions?"

"You will have one chance, and one chance only, to convince the game piece to enter your realm from mine, of it's own free will of course"

"Of course."

"You must convince the game piece to remain in your land for seven days, during which time it must not die or otherwise be permanently injured," E(A/R)th had continued. "At the end of those seven days, in the last hour before the contest ends, the game piece must express a desire to remain indefinitely in your realm."

"If I should refuse to keep the piece, thereby returning it to you?"

"I will destroy it, as it will be of no further use to me," E(A/R) said "But you will still have claimed the victory."

X(A/N)th agreed to this condition also "You will not interfere to prevent the piece from entering my realm."

"Agreed," X(A/N)th could tell that E(A/R)th was not happy about that condition, perhaps he had been planning to eliminate Kassie before she had a chance to reach the realm of X(A/N)th, thereby claiming the victory "You will also not interfere to prevent it from leaving your realm, or in any other manner."

X(A/N)th nodded "You will allow me to inform my lesser creatures of this challenge?"

"You will be allowed to inform one lesser being, other than the one with which you associate - as I know you will inform that one regardless. However neither of these lesser creatures will be allowed to inform any of your other lesser creatures, should they do so - you forfeit and I claim the victory. Furthermore you and the lesser creature with which you associate will remain in the Nameless Castle, where you live with her as Nimby. You may leave that castle if the game piece requests to stay in your realm during the last hour of the contest, but not before."

X(A/N)th looked at the other Demons "If the witnesses approve I will accept the challenge."

None of the other Demons objected so J(U/P)(I/T)er, who was acting as their spokes-entity stood up and announced "The challenge has been approved ."

Then V(E/N)us spoke. "The players should agree to observation, to ensure conditions are not compromised." She was always trying to catch X(A/N)th cheating

"Agreed," X(A/N)th said "Begin?"

"Begin" agreed E(A/R)th, and the Demons parted company until the outcome of the contest should be decided.

Authors Notes:

1.This had been the third chapter in the story, but I thought I should bring it forward. There will be other changes also


	2. Kassie

Disclaimer:

I DO NOT OWN XANTH. I merely kidnap the characters every once in a while and force them to do my bidding by means of electric shock collars. PIERS ANTHONY OWNS XANTH. I'm not certain how he forces the characters to do his bidding.

Chapter Two

Kassie

The red 'DON'T WALK' of the crosswalk signal flashed as Kassie ran across the street. She noticed these things only stayed on the green 'WALK' long enough for one to step into the street. The cars all roared and sputtered as if complaining about having to wait. Her vehicle had been totaled last week, and the public transportation system here stank like three week old succotash. The insurance company had decided the vehicle was not worth repairing, so instead of lending her another car they had given her the one-hundred-seventy-five dollars her vehicle was worth (according to them). So she had to walk until she could buy a new one. At least she was losing weight.

Her foot finally hit the sidewalk on the other side. Safe!

Here she bought a taco and a churro, from cart which was always at this corner this time of days, and ate them as she walked to the next light. From there she could see the corner of her building. Once she crossed the street she would be able to see the front, then a few yards later, her own window. She was almost home.

She pressed the button on the crossing signal pole and waited. A huge puddle, mixed with leaves and mud, had accumulated in front of her. She was beginning to wonder if she should step back from it, when a SUV turned the corner there - splashing the contents of the puddle all over her. She really missed her car.

"What happened to your clothes!" demanded the landlady when Kassie finally stumbled into the apartment building.

"I got splashed by an SUV," explained Kassie as she climbed the stairs up to her apartment.

"Don't you get any mud on my good carpeting!"

"I won't!"

"You shouldn't go around covered in mud like that. It make you look like a -"

Kassie didn't wait to find out what she looked like, her apartment door clicked shut behind her and she sighed in relief as she slumped into a heap on the floor. Two hours and one bath later she settled into the chair in front of her computer to check her e-mail; one of the few parts of her daily routine she actually enjoyed.

She read and replied to the messages from her friends back home, sharing with each of them the story of the puddle. When she finished there was one more message from a comehere(at)xanth.io.xz. That was strange, this looked like a spam and she was positive she had her spam blockers turned on. Just to be certain, she checked her settings. Sure enough her spam filter was at the highest setting. This one seems to have found a way to slip through. She went to delete the message but accidentally opened it instead.

'Dear Mundane' it began.

_'Mundane_?' she thought, her name wasn't Mundane. Maybe the e-mail wasn't spam but had merely been misdirected. She read on to see if the body of the letter would give a clue about were it was supposed to go.

'Escape your dreary life! Click HERE for information on how you can come to the magical land of Xanth!

Xanth Office of Immigration'

Definitely spam then. Mundane, whoever they were, probably didn't want this message forwarded to them. She clicked on the delete message button.

'Delete message?' read the computer screen 'press ENTER for 'yes'; ESC for 'no'.

He finger hovered above the Enter key. She almost pressed it, but at the last moment changed her mind and hit the Esc key instead. She ran her mouse over the 'HERE' and clicked on it. Why she did that, she had no idea. She was normally not the kind of person to be taken in by scams.

When the page the link led to came up, she had to compliment them on their graphics. The little image of their spokesperson, a beautiful woman with impossibly long hair, looked like she could step out of the screen and right onto Kassie's desk.

"Hi," the image said "I'm Rapunzel."

'_Wow!_' thought Kassie '_their sound's pretty good too_.'

"What's your name?" continued Rapunzel.

"Kassie," said Kassie without thinking.

"I'm sorry," said Rapunzel "I can see your mouth moving, but I can't hear you. If you have a microphone please make sure it is turned on and speak into it. Otherwise please type your response here." she pointed at the text box she was sitting on.

The graphic could see her? Impossible, she had no camera set up. She almost closed the page, but something (probably the same thing that made her click on the link in the first place) stopped her. Maybe they were just playing with her, but for some reason or other she wanted to play along. She didn't have a microphone, so she typed '_Kassie_'.

Rapunzel hopped off the text box and walked in front of it, as if to read it.

"Sorry," she explained "my magical talent is having long hair, not reading writing without looking at it." She concentrated on the writing "Kassie" she said reading it, and then she turned around again "Hello, Kassie," she smiled "I'm so glad you've chosen to come to Xanth. Do you have any questions about Xanth, before we continue?"

'_What is Xanth?_' she typed.

"Xanth, as explained in the message you were sent," said Rapunzel after reading the question "is a magical land, and to explain any further could take hours. I think it's best you come find out for yourself."

Probably an amusement park.

"_How much is admission?_"

"Admission?" now Rapunzel looked confused.

Maybe 'admission' wasn't one of the words she was programmed to recognize. Kassie decided tried again.

"_How much does it cost to get in?_" she typed instead.

"Oh," Rapunzel laughed "I forgot you Mundanes like little pieces of green paper. You don't have to give us anything like that, but you do have to be at the entrance at exactly noon tomorrow."

Kassie interpreted that as '_free entry tomorrow at noon'_', they would probably find another way to stiff her.

"_Okay,_" she typed "_I'm game. How do I get there?_"

"You're Game?" said Rapunzel "Just a moment ago you said your name was Kassie."

"_It's an expression." _typed Kassie, wondering why she was explaining herself to a computer image.

"If you say so." said Rapunzel still looking confused "My husband Grundy is right; you Mundanes are weird."

Kassie considered typing _'I'm not a mundane'_, but thought it might lose her the special offer. Instead she typed "_May I have directions, please._"

"Of course," Rapunzel slapped her hand to her forehead "You already asked that. How rude of me. Do you have a printer?"

"_Yes_," typed Kassie.

"Great," said Rapunzel "Print out these directions." A series of directions appeared on the screen along with a CLICK HERE TO PRINT button.

Kassie didn't even consider the fact that she had not given a starting address. She did remember one important fact though.

"_I don't have a car,_" she typed.

"Car, car," Rapunzel mused over the word "oh I remember now! The speed demons drive those. Don't worry it's not that far, you can walk from your apartment."

_'The Speed demons' _must be their company's racing team.

She flipped on her printer and clicked the CLICK HERE TO PRINT button.

"Bbbbbrrrrppppt, bbbbbrrrrppppt, bbbbbrrrrppppt," said the printer as it printed out the directions.

"You'll also need to present this pass to the centaur at the point of entry," said Rapunzel.

Did she say _'centaur?'_ No, she must have said _'center'_, Kassie had just heard her wrong. She printed out the certificate, which had appeared on the screen.

"When you get there, you will be given a magical talent, a minor one of course."

That last statement confused Kassie, but she decided not to comment.

Rapunzel yawned and stretched "It looks like you've got everything you need to get in then," she said "Whatever you do, don't forget that pass; you can't get in without it." She yawned again. "I'm going to bed." Then she walked off the screen.

Authors Notes:

1.Thank you to my sister, who is much better at spelling than I am, for helping me.

2.Okay, Sis, I made those changes you requested.

3.#$&& Spelling and Grammar checker

4.I've noticed people seem to like short chapters, I managed to reduce this one to 4 pages (not including author's notes). I will look at the other chapters to see what I can do with them.

5.This really is my first attempt at fan fiction. If anyone sees any problem with my story please tell me so I can correct it. (But don't flame me please)


	3. The Centaur at the Point of Entry

Disclaimer

Xanth no belong me

It belong Piers Anthony

Aside from that I still own Kassie. I have also added Chim Centaur and D. Meanor, both of whom are mine.

Chapter Three

The Centaur at the Point of Entry

Kassie had to skip work the next day to go to the amusement park, but she didn't care. It was only one day after all. She carried only her hip pack, with picture ID inside, as the directions had advised her to travel lightly. Probably a security measure to keep someone from sneaking a bomb inside. At least they worked to keep their customers safe.

The place really wasn't that far. In fact she wondered why she hadn't seen it before. Perhaps it was new and this was a grand-opening special.

She set out from her apartment at 11 am so as to arrive early. There was bound to be a huge line and she wanted to get there at least half an hour beforehand. However that bit of foresight proved to be unnecessary. When she arrived at the site fifteen minutes later she wondered it she had misread the directions or if she had just gone on a wild goose chase.

The place she had arrived at was an abandoned amusement park. Its huge iron gates were chained shut and had two lopsided signs attached to them.

The Signs read: CONDEMNED , and CLOSED TILL FURTHER NOTICE.

Definitely a prank then and she had fallen for it. She was going to pull up that page again and give Rapunzel a piece of her mind. Then she noticed a door next to the gate.

It was old and in bad repair just like the rest of the place but above it was tacked a sign which read "XANTH". Now normally she would have marched right home and vowed never to fall for anything like this again. Instead she opened the door. It swung open easily and didn't squeak. This surprised her because the hinges were bound to have significant amounts of rust on them. She felt a whoosh as she stepped through the doorway, which was strange since there wasn't any wind that day. The drunk, who had seen her walk through solid stone, walked to the spot and tried to do the same.

Inside looked exactly the way you would expect an abandoned amusement park to look, except for a large sign she noticed just as she entered which read

WELCOME TO XANTH PLEASE PRESENT YOUR PASS TO THE CENTAUR AT THE POINT OF ENTRY

_'Centaur'_ there was that word again. Maybe they just had a bad editor. She shrugged and walked to the rundown building marked as

POINT OF ENTRY

It wasn't too bad. The place had been dusted, and there was a high counter and several nice looking chairs and end tables around. There was also a turnstile beside the counter, leading into the main fairway of the park. But no one was there to attend it.

"Hello!" she yelled. No one answered.

She noticed several signs on the counter. One sign read 'WELCOME TO XANTH'; another said 'PLEASE BE SEATED'; the third read 'ADMITTANCE ONLY AT NOON'; and the last one advised her to 'PRESENT YOUR PASS TO THE CENTAUR". These only served to confuse her even more.

In the corner was a magazine rack. The top shelf was marked as having 'XANTH MAGAZINES' and the bottom had 'MUNDANE MAGAZINES'. Above the rack hung a sign which read 'DUE TO LIMITATIONS SET BY THE ADULT CONSPIRACY, WE CANNOT OFFER CERTAIN MAGAZINES' _'THE ADULT CONSPIRACY' _what was that?

She looked at the 'MUNDANE' magazines. It seemed rather rude of them to mark magazines as 'MUNDANE'. If they were so boring, why did they have them? However after looking over the magazines she decided the description of 'MUNDANE' was indeed correct.

She picked up a magazine from the top row called 'Beautiful Blooms: Gardening in Xanth' and flipped right to an article about hybridization of shoe trees and fruit leather trees, which apparently produced edible footwear. She put that magazine back and picked up one called 'Physics in Magic' this one had an article about how the triangulation of the moon, a gourd, and a piece of brain coral was significant. She put that magazine down and picked up another called 'THE MAGAZINE OF ANSWERS'. This one talked about a strange castle which apparently handed out information in exchange for a year of service. It was as weird as, if not weirder than, the other two had been.

She gave up on the magazines and decided to try the turnstile. It wouldn't budge, so she tried climbing over it.

"That won't work, Cutie!" She spun around to see the speaker.

She screamed when she saw him. He was dressed in a scary costume with horns and a pointy tail, and was painted red form head to toe. (She couldn't really tell what color his toes were. He appeared to be wearing some contraption which sent out red smoke to envelop the lower half of his body.) It was a terrifying sight. She should probably tell them that the freak in the costume was going to scare children. He vanished, Poof, into thin air.

Her heart stopped.

"Boo!" he shouted from behind her and her heart started again.

She turned and screamed louder.

"Wow!" he smiled "you've got a great scream!"

She grabbed a lamp from a nearby end table and brandished it like a weapon.

"Stay away from me!" she shouted at him "I'm warning you!"

"Come on, chick," he said taking a step forward.

Kassie swung as hard as she could. The lamp passed right through him, causing his body to glow momentarily.

"Well that was illuminating." he observed.

She noticed that he had positioned himself between her and the exit. She slapped him as hard as she could, which literally set his head spinning, and dived for the door. She was almost through it when something stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked down. There was a dime on the floor. Had she actually stopped on a dime?

"What is going on in here?" She spun around to see a centaur. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to dislodge the image. When she opened her eyes again the centaur was still there.

"Hi, Chim!" said the first freak "COM pewter told me there was a hot babe coming from Mundania today. I thought I'd check her out. He looked her up and down and whistled. Steam came out of his ears.

"Go away Meanor," said Chim menacingly.

"Aw, you can make me leave, Four-legs." Meanor stuck his tongue out at the centaur.

Chim stepped behind the counter and retrieved a large shoo, or was it a shoe, no it was definitely a shoo, which he hurled at Meanor. As soon as it hit him he vanished.

"Good riddance!" muttered Chim.

"Wow! Thanks!" breathed Kassie.

"No problem," shrugged the centaur "Just have to know how to handle them. You would be Kassie," he started rifling through the drawers behind the counter.

"That's right," she said as she recovered from the shock of Meanor "I have picture ID right her." She rummaged through her hip pack.

"No need," he told her "Rapunzel gave me a fairly good description. Although her report didn't include any words like 'hot,' or 'babe'." he looked her up and down. "You're not that bad really. I prefer fillies myself."

She laughed "Oh yeah, that's why I'm twenty-five and single."

He looked at her again "I apologize, I thought you were eighteen, or possibly nineteen, no more than twenty."

"Thanks for the compliment," she smiled "but you don't have to flatter me."

"We Centaurs do not use flattery," he informed her "You do look very young for your age."

She laughed. He was serious.

"It's nice to see D. Meanor didn't scare you entirely out of your wits." he remarked .

"I didn't?" Meanor reappeared.

Chim said nothing, but sprayed him with a mist from a can marked 'd. R.'

"Hey! That's not fair!" protested Meanor as he fled again.

"Nasty pests," muttered Chim as he sprayed more of the substance around the room. Kassie breathed deeply the mist had a sweet heavenly smell to it. "Shall we begin then?" he put the can of 'd. R.' away.

"Okay," said Kassie "Here's my pass." she unfolded it and spread it out on the counter.

"Perfect!" said the centaur barely glancing at the paper "You probably should keep that. You might need it later on."

Kassie didn't see why, but she folded up the certificate and stuffed it back into her hip pack. When she looked up again Chim had produced a bowl with several slips of folded up paper in it.

"Please close your eyes and select a magic talent," he ordered her as he shook the bowl gently "Sorry there aren't any sorceress level talents in here, but at least they took out the 'spot on the wall' ones."

She looked at the bowl suspiciously. _'Select a magic talent_'? These people, or whatever they were, were insane.

He shook the bowl again. "They won't bite you." he reassured her.

Authors Notes:

1.d. R. - demon Repellant of course! Do you actually think X(A/N)th would allow Demon Repellant in his domain?

2.No the magazine of answers does not reveal the answers given to querents at the Good Magicians castle. They do however have a Mundane woman named Maxine who claims to be able to predict what the challenges will be. Lest anyone go running to enlist her aid, it should be noted that none of her predictions have ever been correct and she herself has never passed the challenges.

3.I reduced the old chapter two by splitting it in half - this will mean more chapters, but not more content - yet.


	4. Magic Talent

Disclaimer: Xanth isn't mine, its Piers Anthony's

Chapter Four

Magic Talent

She had come too far to back out now, besides they probably had guards blocking the exits. She closed her eyes and rummaged through the contents of the bowl until she found a paper she liked.

"Unfold the paper and read it." the centaur instructed her.

She fumbled the paper open then, after turning it upside right, read aloud "' MAKING HEAVY OBJECTS, SUCH AS ROCKS AND STONES, FLOAT'"

"An Excellent Talent!" said Chim "My own is similar. I am able to move heavy object from side to side at their current level. Observe." He looked at the counter "MOVE!" he commanded it. The counter moved three feet to the right. "MOVE!" he commanded again and it moved back. "Unfortunately I can not use it to lift things." He looked at the scrape marks it had left on the wooden floor.

"That's incredible!" she admitted.

"Yes," he said "that's why I was exiled from Centaur Isle."

"But why would they exile you if you can do that?" she asked.

"They consider magic in Centaurs to be obscene." He informed her.

"Doesn't seem right to me," she frowned

"Yes, well," he looked at her "you are not a Centaur.

"Obviously not," she said, turning her head to look at her own derriere, to emphasize the point.

The centaur did not look amused by her little pun. "Perhaps you should try your talent before you enter," he offered gesturing to the counter.

_"Why not"_ she thought, then commanded it "Up!"

Nothing happened.

"You have to believe it'll work." said the centaur trying to be helpful

She knew she was making a fool of herself but she closed her eyes and concentrated on doing something she had never done before, believe in magic. She opened her eyes and tried again.

"UP!" she commanded it. It lifted up a fraction of an inch and then slammed back down.

Chim had to jump back to avoid having his fore-hoof crushed. "It's a start," he offered.

"I want one more try," she said, then commanded once again "UP!" The counter began rising off the floor. It continued to rise until it bumped against the ceiling.

"Wonderful" he said "now bring it down."

"Down?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied "we're going to need it."

"Oh, Sorry" she apologized, then looked up and said "Down."

"It's supposed to be a command not a request." he laughed. "Be forceful."

"DOWN!" she ordered.

The counter came crashing down and burst into splinters as it hit the floor.

"Maybe not that forceful." said Chim.

"Oops," she grimaced "sorry about that."

"Don't worry," he shrugged "all the furniture here has a self repairing spell on it." And indeed the counter had begun putting itself together. Kassie couldn't help but stare. A guy painted red and a centaur were one thing. But self-repairing furniture; now that was something else.

Chim suggested she give her talent a few more tries since it was still well before noon and she couldn't enter until that time. Besides, she didn't want to send things up through the O-zone, or break everything she brought back down, did she? She discovered she could make objects rise at different speeds, or as Chim said 'at varying velocities.' She was able to make them stop anywhere she wanted and float in mid air. However she could only order objects which she had caused to rise herself to come back down. They decided to try using their talents together and had fun rearranging the furniture. As a final test, Chim poured a glass of water and put a pebble in it for her to float. Sure enough she could float things on water too, the pebble bobbed at the surface of the water as if it had no more weight than a cork.

"Five minutes." said Chim looking at two eyes painted on his wrist, after she had reversed the spell on the pebble. "Let me give you your starter kit and explain to you how to use it."

He reached into a drawer and pulled out a small canvas bag. Inside was a manual titled 'Xanth: A Mundanes guide', she had decided to stop asking about their usage of the word 'Mundane'. There was also a stick, which Chim informed her was a water testing stick, with instructions, a vial which had a label reading 'healing elixir, another manual titled "Flora and Fauna of Xanth: The eats, do not eats, and be eaten by's of Xanth. Curious, she pulled this last item from the back and opened it. The page it fell to was a picture of a lovely tree.

"Oh, a weeping willow," she said before reading the page "how lovely." Chim gave her a strange look. She didn't understand why. Then image began to move. A woman, who looked a lot like Kassie, walked onto the page and right up to the tree. The branches of the tree grabbed the woman and stuffed her into a giant maw in its trunk which began chewing.

"Ew!" screamed Kassie as she slammed the book shut.

"Tangle tree," Chim informed her "you want to stay away from those."

"I'll say!" she gasped.

The last item in the bag was a small badge, which had fallen out when she removed the flora and fauna manual. It was decorated with little hearts and played a little tune when tapped. HELLO: MY NAME IS KASSIE MUNDANE it read.

"Do I really have to wear this?" she asked Chim as she held up the badge.

"Well, it was made by the three little princesses," Chim explained.

"If I meet them I'll wear it." she said unceremoniously tossing it back into the bag.

Somewhere a clock chimed twelve times, and the turnstile gave a small click.

"Oh good," said Chim "It's noon. Are you ready to enter Xanth?"

She might as well humor them. After all they had gone to the trouble of printing out two books and putting on a magic show for her, and all for free.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she smiled.

"Then please proceed through the turnstile," Chim motioned her toward the turnstile.

"Don't I get a stamp or something?" she asked.

"There is a stamp tree, just down the path." he informed her "My own Filly collects stamps and shows them off at the local 'stamp-eed'." She decided not to pursue that comment further.

"Well," she said checking her hip-pack "here I go." She walked over to the turnstile and looked outside.

It was definitely an abandoned amusement park. She would step through, wander about as if amazed for about a minute, then come back out again. Chim would then tell her she had only been gone for a moment, and she would reply 'it had to have been at least a few hours.' Then she would go have the word '_GULLIBLE_' tattooed on her forehead.

She pushed against the turnstile handle and moved forward. As soon as she was through, it was apparent that something had changed. She was in the middle of a large path with several trees growing in the middle of it. In front of her was a sign which read 'WELCOME TO XANTH: FOR YOUR SAFETY PLEASE KEEP TO THE MAGIC PATH.' '_This must be the magic path, I'm on right now_.' she thought looking at the path at her feet. She walked on, and before long became aware of someone following her. Remembering Meanor, she spun around to see who it was. Chim was trotting along the path with something in his hand.

"You forgot this," he said when he reached her, handing her the Xanth starter kit.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." she said taking the bag from him.

"You probably should take this too," he handed her the can of d. R.

She laughed "Thank you Chim."

"Glad to help," he laughed back "I must return to the point of entry" and with that he galloped back the way he had come.

Kassie turned around, and screamed.

"Hi, Cutie," said D. Meanor "You were thinking of me?"

She decided to try out the d. R.

Authors Notes

1. This is the other half of that split chapter. Please tell me if you like the shorter chapters better.


	5. The Magic Path

Disclaimer:

I own a computer and a internet connection, but not Xanth. Piers Anthony owns Xanth, and he probably owns a computer and an internet connection too.

Chapter Five

The Magic Path

X(A/N)th was beginning to get annoyed with that lesser demon. The contest rules had clearly stated that the lesser creature provided by E(A/R)th had to stay for at least ten days, and he had almost chased her away in the first ten minutes. You can be sure X(A/N)th would have eliminated him, had it not been for Chlorine's intervention.

"I know he had almost ruined it for you, Nimby," she had said "but he did stop her with that dime"

He didn't need a dime to stop anyone with. But he had agreed to the rules, and they clearly stated that he could not intervene until the very end. He focused his perception on Kassie. She had just reached the fork in the Path and was reading the signs which pointed to the Isthmus and Black Wave villages.

Kassie, who was beginning to think this might all be a dream, considered the signs, she knew nothing about either village, and the manual and not given her anymore information than that which was obvious. She chose the Black Wave village, because it was closer. As she walked she read the flora and fauna manual, attempting to identify as many plants and animals as she could. She had been thankful for the paths magical protection when she identified a fire-breathing dragon, a tribe of goblins, and a flock (was that the word for it?) of harpies. However she had also identified black berries which turned her completely black, Oranges which turned her orange, blue berries which made her feel blue, and grapes that made her feel just grape. The puns here were really annoying. Fortunately the effect of each berry only lasted for a few moments. She would have picked a cluster of grapes to eat along the way except the one she'd tried had turned her purple. She decided not to try the trembling yellow berries, as she was certain they would only make her jumpy and D. Meanor had done that already.

"Hello again," said Meanor as he appeared. "Try a cheery," he picked a small red berry she had taken for a cherry and popped it in her mouth before she could stop him.

"Would you go away?" she asked cheerfully.

He pretended to consider this "No."

She would have sprayed him with the d. R. but she was just too cheerful. "I would really appreciate it if you left"

"And I would really appreciate seeing more of you." he said as he ate some grapes, the effect made him look as though he had fallen in a vat of wine.

"I wish I weren't so cheerful," she informed him cheerfully "or I'd slap you for that comment."

"Maybe since you're so cheerful, you'd prefer a smack." he puckered as if for a kiss.

"Okay," she said cheerfully "but there's just one itsy little problem?"

"What's that?" he asked.

"The effect of that cheery has worn off." she did not say this cheerfully.

"Oh," he said unpuckering.

"Now," she continued "you have two choices; either you leave or I spray you with the can of 'd. R.' Chim gave me"

"It won't work." he informed her.

"And why not?" she aimed the nozzle at him.

"Because, I stuck a piece of reverse wood on the can with some day-glue, while you weren't watching." he informed her "it won't come off for an entire day."

"What in the world is 'reverse wood'" she demanded angrily.

"It reverses every thing it touches," explained Meanor "so now instead of repelling demons it will attract or summon them."

"Then why didn't it reverse you while you were handling it?"

"I reversed that piece of reverse wood with another piece of reverse wood"

"Some how, I don't believe you." she sprayed him with the d. R., but something was wrong. For one thing it smelled different, a bit like rotting meat, and Meanor was still there.

"See," he said as another demon appeared "Oh, hi, Professor."

"Give me that!" said the new demon snatching the can from her hands. "It should be obvious, even to this mortal," he said to D. Meanor as he pulled off the reverse wood (by attempting to press it more firmly to the can it appeared) "why you failed my class!" then he handed the can back to Kassie and disappeared.

"Wow! Thanks!" she said and sprayed Meanor with the 'd. R'.

Authors Notes:

1.Anyone who does not recognize Professor Grossclout is to march immediately to the blackboard and write 'I have a mind full of mush' one hundred times. Oh, and you will be required to retake his frosh-student class, unless you have been otherwise banned.

2.Thanks again for reviewing Sis. Now somebody else review.

3.Sorry this chapter is so short.


	6. Meeting the Natives

Disclaimer: OldXanth readerfrom way back has informed me that I can't own an internet connection; it's owned by the ISP. I DON"T OWN XANTH EITHER. PIERS ANTHONY OWNS XANTH. I do own two or three other fictional worlds but this isn't a cross over piece so you won't hear about them here.

Chapter Six

Meeting the Natives

"That's funny," thought Kassie "I don't remember there being a forest in the middle of the city." She looked around at the enormous woods which seemed to go on forever and ever. It seemed like there was no end to them; which meant they were probably an optical illusion. If she tried touching one of them, her hand would pass right through it. She reached for a tree growing in the middle of the path and felt rough bark as she touched it.

She sighed. Of course they were going to put real trees in the middle of the path where guests would be likely to brush up against them as they walked.

Speaking of guests; she realized there should have been more people filing in by now. But where were they? Certainly this was not an exclusive offer for her alone. She leaned against the tree to wait for the others. A minute passed; five Minutes; ten minutes and still no one came.

It was getting to be the hottest part of the day and she was thirsty. She hadn't brought anything to drink because she had thought there would be booths set up to sell refreshments. She was disgusted. This place was pretty but it was the worse park she had ever been to as far as basic amenities. She had been walking for fifteen minutes and she hadn't even seen a restroom. And what if someone got lost? Or needed directions? There were no information booths anywhere. And for that matter; what kind of amusement park didn't have any amusements?

She had made up her mind. She was going to march right back to the entrance and tell Chim, or what ever his real name was, that he should climb out of that ridiculous costume and get a real job.

But first she really wanted a drink. She looked around, there had to be something.

Ah! Yes there was. A spring. It was probably for decorative purposes and not to be drunk from, but she was getting dehydrated. She waked over to the side of the path to get a better look at it. It was about five feet into the woods. She stepped off the path, scraping her knuckle against on a tree as she did so.

She put the wounded joint to her lips and bit back a scream. Well, the trees near the path were real; maybe the spring was too. She walked toward it but stopped within a foot.

There was something wrong with that spring, something very wrong. For one thing, why was the vegetation around it so withered? Had the grounds keepers just missed it? Hardly likely, it was probably contaminated. This was just one more reason she should leave now.

Two 'somethings', which she later identified - using the guide to flora and fauna - as flying mice, flew past her ear and landed in the spring. Instantly the two creatures turned and lunged for each other. Kassie screamed as they tore at each others throats. She definitely did not want to drink from that spring now.

As the mice died so did her screams, but the laughter behind her did not.

It was a sinister, mocking laughter that chilled her to the spine. Nervously, remembering the warning sign at the beginning of the path, she turned around.

There, blocking her way back to the path, were about twenty or thirty grubby little manlike things too small and skinny to be midgets in costumes. She tried to scream again but couldn't. So she turned to run the other way but the rest of the group had surrounded her.

"Hey Boy's laughed one of the creatures "Fancy some 'mundane stew'?"

The group laughed at this hideous pun.

"I dunno, chief," laughed another "I don't like boring food!"

Again they laughed.

"That's why you don't like nickelpede sandwiches" laughed the first, who was joined once again by the others.

"Let's have some fun with her" suggested the second.

"Yay!" shouted the group

"Alright," said the chief "she looks like she's game."

Snickering giggles came from the others

"A little too gamey, if you ask me," laughed the second "let's throw her in the spring with a mirror."

The crowd cheered, and Kassie cringed. This was not funny.

"No!" said the first "I'm in charge, and I say we make stew!"

"Yay! Stew!" shouted the crowd

"I say we throw her in the spring and watch her tear herself to pieces" said the second.

"Yay!" cheered the others again.  
"Wait," said the chief "we can have both! Heat the pot and don't let her get away!" Kassie had tried escaping through an opening in the crowd but some of the things grabbed her as she ran past, digging their sharp fingernails into her as they did so.

"Ouch!" she protested, and they laughed.

"Where's a mirror? Get her in the stream!"

"Hey!" she shouted as the struggled "I think this joke's gone far enough." Then she noticed that some of them had produced a huge cauldron that they were starting a fire under. "Oh! &!" she screamed "They're serious!"

"Course we're serious!" laughed the Chief "Hurry and get her in the spring!" and the creatures holding on to Kassie dragged her with even more force.

"Oh #$," swore Kassie "This had better work!"

"What had better work?" sneered the chief.

"This," gasped Kassie and then shouted "Up!" at the dirty little man.

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed the chief "The Mundane thinks she can...Hey!" His face took on a look of panic as he realized that he was already two feet above the ground. "Get me down! Get me down!" The others clung to the legs of their chief attempting to pull him back to land, even those holding Kassie had released her to help.

"Up!" she shouted again "Up! Up! Up! Up! Up!" Soon she had the entire group of them floating above the trees and rising fast.

She stared at the creatures in horror as she realized they had not been attached to wires. Her magic talent was real and so was the rest of the magic here. Chim had been a real centaur and not some guy in a costume. And … She dug out the d.R. and sprayed the air around herself; banishing the thought.

"I'm getting out of here!" she screamed as she darted back to the path and sped down it as quickly as her legs could carry her. She was exhausted and gasping for breath when she came upon a sign. She leaned against it and read.

NORTHERN BLACK WAVE VILLAGE

VILLAGE LIMITS

"Oh, no!" she cried. She had been heading away from the exit instead of toward it. She collapsed in the middle of the path. This had to be the worst amusement park, if that was what it was, she had ever been to. She was tired. She was thirsty. She was hungry. And she was sick of it!

"Well," she said to herself "I'll rest here for a minute. Then I'll see if this 'Northern Black Wave Village' is a place where I can buy food and drink before I leave."

Authors Notes:

I'm so sorry that it took me forever and six months to write these most recent chapters. I have been preparing to reenter the local brain coral pool - I mean university, as an archaeology student. Thank you, to everyone who is still reading my stuff, for being patient.

To Some Grammatical Genius:

I updated! Aren't you proud of me?

Thank you for the compliments about my writing

Yes this really is my first fan fiction piece. Note that I say Fan Fiction. Although I have done some original fiction and poetry before this - sorry I have never submitted any of it for publication. I'm not certain how my work would be accepted. Since I am your typical artist, and can't bear rejection, think of this as an experiment; if people like my fan fiction I may try to publish some of my more original work :-D. We'll see. Thank you for the compliment. Double :-D

To OldXanth readerfrom way back:

Thank you for pointing out my mistake on the disclaimer.

I also have read most of the Xanth books (up to "Up in a Heaval") and I agree with you that keeping to Cannon makes the most enjoyable stories. I actually went back and reread most of the books, and I frequently visit Mr. Anthony's Xanth based web site to make sure I'm getting it right.

Thank you for the comment about my writing abilities. As I mentioned earlier, to Some Grammatical Genius, I have some original work I have been thinking about publishing.

I come from an analytical family with a twisted sense of humor. Comments like yours are normal, to me. So don't worry about it.

Yes I would like to have you as a beta reader. I'll email you.

4. To LockeetDemosthenes: I'm glad you don't think my story is a waste of time, thank you.


	7. Marsha

Disclaimer: According to the copyrights PIERS ANTHONY still OWNS XANTH. I am only a poor Mundane who can barely afford ink for her printer. I do however own Marsha and her family - all of whom you will meet.

Chapter Seven

Marsha

The trees along the path had begun to sprout pies. At least it looked as if the pies were growing directly from the branches. Kassie decided to test this. She chose a delicious smelling blueberry pie. Sure enough it was growing right on the tree. _'I probably shouldn't eat it,' _she thought _''oh, but it smells so good! I'll just try one bite.' _ So she did. And it was. She took another bite, and another, and another until there was no more pie left, so she licked her fingers. She had not indulged herself with a treat like that since she was ten. It was enough to make one want to live off pie. She just had to have another, so she reached for a sweet potato pie. But, just as she was about to pick the pie, another hand reached through the branches and plucked it right out of her own hand.

"Wha..." she gasped as the pie disappeared.

"Oh, I'm sorry," a face appeared through the foliage "I didn't know any one else was picking pies here."

"That's okay;" began Kassie "this is my first..."

"Oh, don't apologize. I shouldn't be climbing trees anyway, now that I've joined the dreaded adult conspiracy."

"The what?" this was the second time she had encountered that weird phrase.

"You know 'The Official Adult Conspiracy to Keep Interesting Things from Children" A young black woman with her arms full of pies jumped down from the tree. But all Kassie could do was stare blankly.

"Huh?" she said

"Storks!" the black woman laughed.

"Storks," Kassie was even more confused than ever "This has something to do with birds?"

"No silly, babies!"

"Stork chicks?" Kassie scratched her head.

"Human babies delivered by storks." the other giggled

"But, babies are born," Kassie protested "not delivered by storks. That's just a story to keep children from asking too many questions."

"You must be a Mundane" she set the pies on a nearby stump

"Why does everyone here keep calling me that?" Kassie protested.

"You're not from Xanth, are you?" asked the girl.

"Well, no," said Kassie "I'm just a guest."

"You're from Earth?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Then you're a Mundane."

"Whatever!" she threw her hands in the air "I'm ripping up that pass in their faces when I leave."

"You have a temporary pass then?" The black girl had continued picking pies while they spoke.

"Yeah," shrugged a Kassie "And a temporary magic talent. But they're insane if they think I'm staying in this insane asylum any longer."

"Insane asylum? the girl looked at Kassie like she belonged in one herself.

"Yeah," said Kassie "You know. Oh never mind!"

"My name's Marsha," the black girl said as if trying to change the subject "my talent is being uglier."

"You don't look ugly."

"That's because you're the only one here to be uglier than, silly."

"Oh, I'm Kassie." she extended her hand to Marsha who just looked at it like she had never seen one before. After a minute Kassie put her hand down

"You said you were given a magic talent," said Marsha

"Oh yeah!" said Kassie, I drew a bowl; if you can believe that. It's," she fished the scrap of paper from her pocket "Making heavy thing, such as rocks, float."

"On water?" asked Marsha.

"On anything."

"Can you float me? On air"

"I probably shouldn't," said Kassie "I haven't had much practice. What if I drop you?"

"Oh," said Marsha "well then, can you float this pie?" she selected the top pie from her stack.

"Sure," Kassie shrugged "put it on the path."

Marsha did so and then stepped back

"Alright," said Kassie as she concentrated on the pie "UP!" she shouted at it, and the pie went rocketing upward like a cork out of a bottle. "Stop!" she cried and the pie screeched to a halt and hovered over them, a barely discernable spot against the heavens. "Down!" ordered Kassie and it began plummeting downward accelerating as it came. "Stop!" she yelled. But it was too late.

"I see what you mean," said Marsha. The two women spent the next few minutes scraping bits of pie off themselves.

"Sorry," said Kassie "I haven't had much practice."

"I can tell." Marsha strained some filling from her hair.

"Let me try again," Kassie picked another pie from the tree and set it on the path. Marsha stepped even further back. "Up," ordered Kassie, less forcefully this time. Slowly the pie began to rise. She waited until it was at about shoulder level before she stopped it.

"Oh!" said Marsha who had been preparing for another splat "I guess you did it this time."

"I'm getting the hang of it." Kassie laughed as she walked around the pie suspended in mid air.

"Why would you want to leave Xanth, when you've got a talent like that?" inquired Marsha as she walked around the floating pie.

"Because, this place is crazy!" protested Kassie "You're the first normal person I've met here! Everyone else is just too weird, especially."

"Especially me."

"Eeeek!" screamed Marsha "A demon!"

Kassie rolled her eye's "Do you ever take a hint?" she shouted at Meanor who had appeared out of thin air.

"No," he said advancing toward her "but I'll take you."

She screamed in frustration. "Chim's right. You are a nasty pest!" She sprayed him in the face again this time.

"What was that about?" gasped Marsha when the demon had gone.

"One of the reasons I'm leaving now," said Kassie as she stuffed the d.R. back into her hip pack.

"But lots of people get bothered by demons." said Marsha "That's no reason to leave."

"It is for me. I'm picking another pie and going home."

"Listen." said Marsha "Why don't you come to my house for dinner? Give Xanth another chance. Meet some more 'normal' people here."

"I don't want to impose," explained Kassie.

"You're not," Marsha picked up the rest of the pile of pies and set it on the floating one "You're my guest I can make decisions like this on my own, now that I'm in the DAC."

"Well, okay then." agreed Kassie.

"Can you make them move?" asked Marsha

"Move?"

"The pies, can you make them move forward?"

"Oh," said Kassie "no sorry I can't, but I met a centaur who can."

"That's okay." Marsha pushed against the bottom pie with her hand and by this means managed to move the pastries along "Come on, I'm hungry."

Authors Notes:

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do!

You try getting a talent like Kassie's right on the first day!

No I am not copying the character of Anathe Ma, who gets consistently uglier, in Marsha. Marsha's talent is being just little uglier than the ugliest person around her.


	8. The Black Wave Village

Disclaimer: PIERS ANTHONY OWNS XANTH. I DO NOT OWN XANTH. But I have my eye on a quaint little cottage cheese near castle Roogna. Arnold Centaur also belongs to Mr. Anthony. I still own Marsha, Kassie, and D. Meanor, and I have added Marsha's family: Anna of the Black Wave– her mother, Russell of the Black Wave – her father, and Travis her annoying little brother with a talent to match.

Chapter Eight

The Black Wave Village

Marsha led the way down the magic path to a small community that would have reminded Kassie every bit of a quaint suburban neighborhood if many of the cottages had not been made of cheese. The house they were headed for seemed to be constructed entirely of large books. She was about to ask about the building when she saw the spines of some of the tomes. 'The Voyage of Surly Swin' said one, 'Sailing the Southern Sea' announced another, and 'the explorations of the southern oceans: by Arnold Centaur' declared a third. It was a 'log' cabin; or more specifically, a 'captain's log' cabin. They walked through the open door way, pushing the pies before them. Kassie thought she saw Marsha's face become a little uglier as they entered.

"What the!" exclaimed a middle aged black woman when she saw the floating pies. She had been placing some dishes on a small table and had almost broken some in her fright.

"Hi, mom!" said Marsha as she maneuvered the pies over an empty counter "I brought a guest for dinner. Meet Kassie Mundane," Kassie glared at her when she said 'Mundane' "she's in Xanth on a temporary pass. She can make things float."

"I can see this." said Marsha's mother while Kassie gently lowered the pies to the counter "Welcome to our home, Kassie." she at least left the 'Mundane' off "You've got filling in your hair dear."

"Oh yeah," Marsha picked the sticky stuff out of her hair "Kassie dropped a pie."

"She did?"

"From a mile up."

"Oh."

From the far corner a tall black man stood up from his overstuffed chair, where he had been reading what appeared to be a newspaper. "Russell Mundane," he introduced him self as he extended his large hand to her "Great to meet another Mundane," he had a jolly sounding voice, and a scar running diagonally across his face which took nothing away from his cheerful smile.

"Mundane?" asked Kassie as they shook hands "Why does everyone keep calling me that?"

"Ho, ho, ho!" his voice rumbled across the room "Don't you worry about it. 'Mundane' is a term the locals use for us people who weren't born in Xanth."

"Oh," said Kassie "it sounds like an insult."

"It is," he laughed "but you learn to roll with it and laugh right back. Everyone in this village over the age of twenty one is a Mundane, and proud of it too."

"I still don't like the libel." admitted Kassie.

"Give it time," he smiled. "Now then I can smell a hot minced-meat pie that's been calling me since you and 'Sha walked through the door."

"Then get washed up before it gets cold!" said his wife who was busy scrubbing the face of a dirty little boy, she stopped just long enough to toss them each a damp wash cloth.

"Alright Anna," he said as he caught the washcloths and handed one to Kassie "Washing up."

The cloth did most of the work by itself. It was more of a 'washing' cloth than a 'wash' cloth. When they were all clean enough for dinner they tossed the soiled cloths into a 'washing' basin which went right to work.

Once they had all been seated Russell dove right into the minced-meat pie Anna had placed on his plate. And Kassie was about to cut into her sweet-potato when the little boy who was sitting next to her asked "Do you want to see my talent." He had managed to get more chocolate pie on his face than in his mouth.

"Say 'no'" advised Marsha.

"Why?" asked Kassie "What's his talent?"

"It's this!" said the child before anyone could stop him. Slowly his skin began to disappear."

"That's gross!" cried Kassie

"There's more!" he said and his muscles began to disappear. Kassie decided she no longer wanted her pie.

"Travis!" shouted Anna as the little boy who had now reduced himself to a skeleton began eating his pie so the others could see it being chewed and swallowed "I told you a hundred times never to use your talent at the table" the boy jumped and everything was back where it belonged.

"I'm going to be a gourd actor, when I'm growed up!" announced Travis, who was the only one still eating.

"'When you've grown up,'" corrected his mother "and no you're not."

"Uh-hu!" he nodded his head so fast his hair bounced "'Cause I'll be all growed, I mean grown up, and I can do anything I want, Just like 'Sha!"

"Being a grown up doesn't always mean you can do whatever you want." said Russell, who had only stopped eating because his pie was gone.

"It doesn't?" asked Travis.

"For example," said Marsha "you have to join," she emphasized the words that followed "The Dreaded Adult Conspiracy!"

Marsha and her parents laughed conspiringly; causing poor Travis' hair to stand on end.

"Uh-uh!" he protested shaking his head violently.

"Uh-hu." the adults of the family all nodded in slow unison.

Travis just sat there, shaking in terror.

"So, Kassie," asked Anna, who had begun gathering the dishes for the washing basin "How do you like Xanth, so far?"

Kassie laughed "I thought it was an amusement park at first."

"An amusement park," laughed Russell "I haven't been to one of those since." Here he paused and thought for a moment.

"Neither of us has been to an amusement park since before we left Mundania," his wife informed him "and the children have never been."

"Oh that's right," he mused "at the time I was dating..." his wife smacked him on the back of his head with a wet washing cloth.

"Don't you talk about your old girlfriends in front of me!" she snapped as he rubbed the sore spot.

"But Kassie" asked Marsha "Do you still want to go back to dreary Mundania. Or are you going to give Xanth a chance?"

"Yes," said her mother "You can stay with us until your pass runs out. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself while you're here.

"Oh," said Kassie "I would be enjoying it here if it weren't for..." she hesitated for a moment

"Why?" asked Russell "Don't you like it here? What's wrong with Xanth?"

"Oh," said Kassie, afraid she might have offended her new friends "There's nothing wrong with Xanth that I can tell. Its just that...well...I..." She was trying very hard not to think about Meanor.

"What's wrong, Kassie?" asked Anna, with a concerned motherly air, as she stopped her housework to sit down next to her "What's the matter?"

"Mom, Dad," explained Marsha "Kassie's got a problem."

"What sort of problem?" asked Anna as she wiped another dish.

"It's nothing," Kassie began "it's just that..."

"Are you calling me 'nothing', nymph?" D. Meanor appeared sprawled across the table, with his head in his hands, staring dreamily at Kassie.

Russell jumped to his feet, knocking his chair over with a noisy clatter as he did so. Angrily, he shouted at the demon as he pointed violently to the front door "Get out of my house! Get out of my house, right now, this instant!"

"No," said Meanor, still staring at Kassie who had nearly fallen out of her own chair in her attempt to get away from him "I think I'll stay here and enjoy the view."

Russell's face went from beet red to the color of spouting lava. The women all ducked for cover as he blew his top. "No one!" he spewed "And I repeat, No one has invited you into this house!"

"Sorry Slash Face," laughed Meanor "that's an old-Mundanes-tale" he disappeared with a flash, leaving a puff of smoke above the table. Snap! He reappeared on the other side of the room next to Kassie "Let's talk, nymph." he said

She glared at him as she sprayed him with the d.R., causing him to sputter a little before he faded out again.

"You poor child!" exclaimed Anna "No wonder you want to go back to Mundania. I don't know that I would want a demon stalking me"

"Yeah but Mom," protested Marsha "Mundania?"

"You've got a point Marsha."

"Too bad there isn't some way to get rid of him entirely, other than leaving Xanth." said Russell.

"There is." said his wife.

"There is?" asked Kassie.

"Yes," explained Anna "But I don't know what it is. You would have to ask the Good Magician. He charges a year of service though, and you have to pass three challenges just to be able to ask your question.

"Maybe I'll just leave," said Kassie.

"Ah come on Kass," said Marsha "Haven't you ever wanted to go on an adventure?"

"In the past few hours, I have met a real Centaur, picked up a demon stalker, met a boy who can turn invisible in stages, and barely escaped being chopped into stew." said Kassie "I've had about all the adventure I can handle."

"That's not adventure," said Marsha "That's normal every day life in Xanth. Well, except for the part about the demon stalker and the stew. But hey! You've got a magic talent haven't you?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Kassie

"It's a really cool magic talent, and you'll loose it when you leave Xanth." explained Marsha.

"Oh," said Kassie "I hadn't thought of that."

"So," continued Marsha "Come see the good Magician. I know you'll like Xanth once you get rid of you know who."

"And if I don't?" asked Kassie "What about the year of service?"

"If you don't, I'll do your year. It'll just mean two years for me instead of one."

"Marsha," said Anna "Why would you think Humphrey would make you serve two years?"

"Because I have a question for him too, Mother"

"Travis," said Anna "I need some thyme. Go get me some"

"But there's plenty of time left," protested the boy "I looked this morning."

Anna pulled a basket of herbs out of a cupboard and threw its contents in the fire. "Now we're out of thyme," she said as she shoved the basket into her sons arms "go get me some more!"

"Yes ma'am," Travis shuffled to the door but stopped at the threshold "you and 'Sha are gonna fight again, aren't you?"

"Go!"

"I'm going, I'm going." Travis shuffled down the garden path and out the gate.

"Mother, please." said Marsha when her brother had gone.

"No!" snapped Anna "I forbid it!"

"Mom!" protested Marsha "I'm old enough to make my own decisions!"

"I don't care!" fumed her mother "I am not going to let my daughter go out where she can get toasted by dragons, stepped on by giants, Eaten by goblins, and, and…"

"And stalked by demons?" snapped Marsha "Mom, you've never let me go beyond the village boundaries in my entire life. Well I've been eighteen for an entire week now and I want an adventure!"

"Don't you talk to me like that, young lady!" Anna slammed her fist on the counter.

"Oh, and you can talk to me any way you want?" shouted Marsha "I'm an adult now!"

"Then behave like one!"

"I am. I'm behaving like you!" Marsha stomped out of the room and Kassie followed her. She caught the end of the conversation as they ran up the stairs.

"Russell!" yelled Anna "Aren't you going to do any thing!"

"Sure thing An,"

"Russell! I thought you were going to help me."

"I am," he said "I'm helping clean up."

"I meant with 'Sha!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean - why? She's your daughter!"

"She's yours too, and she's a grown woman."

"But Russell I don't want to lose her."

"Then let her go."

"What?"

"You heard me."

They heard Anna crying and then a door slamming.

"Oh boy," said Russell.

Authors Notes:

Maybe this chapter should have been called "Meeting the average dysfunctional Xanthian Family".

When in Xanth, if you do not C sharp you will B flat.


	9. Decisions

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN XANTH PIERS ANTHONY OWNS XANTH. See I can write simple disclaimers.

Chapter Nine

Decisions

Marsha's room was decorated in pinks and browns, with pillows everywhere and no bed. The curtains had a climbing vine printed on them and were pushed open to reveal a bay window with a lovely view of the town and the forest beyond. It was the later that Marsha was staring at when Kassie knocked on her door.

"Go, Away!"

"Sorry Marsha," She turned her head to look at her guest Kassie noticed the tears in her eyes.

"I didn't mean you." she sniffed "You can come in" she turned back to the window scene.

Kassie picked her way through the mass of pillows. "It's a nice room," she commented "I wanted a room with lots of pillows when I was your age."

"What do you mean 'when' you 'were' my age?" huffed Marsha "I thought you were my age."

"Nope, I'm a doddering old lady of twenty-five," laughed Kassie "I've always looked young for my age."

"I hope I look eighteen when I'm twenty five" Marsha sniffed "That must be so nice"

Kassie laughed again "Perhaps, but you wouldn't believe how hard it was to get my drivers license, and I still get carded all the time."

"Carded?"

"Yeah," Kassie pulled her license out and handed it to Marsha "See," she said pointing to the little 'A' in the corner "This proves that I'm an adult."

"Yuck," said Marsha "This doesn't look like you."

"No ones driver's license picture looks like them" explained Kassie.

Marsha turned and threw her self on to a huge pile of pillows "I could carry around a whole bushel of cards like that," she complained "and my mom would still treat me like a kid"

"Listen Marsha," said Kassie "I don't want to get in the middle of a family fight. So if this is a bad time for me too..."

"No," Marsha punched at a fluffy pink pillow "Mom and I always fight. Don't worry about it."

"Because I was thinking, that if I'm going to make it out of the point of entry tonight; I should say good bye."

Marsha looked out the window again "The sun is going down," she commented "It'll be dark soon, and the magic path in this area is almost impossible to see after dark."

"Don't worry," shrugged Kassie "I'm sure I can manage.'"

"No," said Marsha "I could never forgive my self, if you wandered off the path and into a dogwood. I want you to stay the night. The pillows over there are fresh," she pointed to a huge pile of pillows near the door "why don't you make yourself a nest? I'll go pick you some jammies."

She walked out the door and right into her father

"Ooof!" she gasped "Sorry about that Dad."

"That's all right," he said "I was hoping if I came up here I would bump into you"

Marsha laughed and slugged him in the shoulder "Thanks Dad."

"I was hoping," he said giving her a hug "to have a talk with my favorite daughter."

"Dad," said Marsha "I'm your only daughter."

"So what do you say to a talk?" I brought chocolate pods. He pulled out two sweet smelling dark brown pods.

"This is going to be a serious talk, isn't it?" asked Marsha when she saw the pods.

"Well," he confessed "I do have a lecture prepared, if that's what you mean, but since you're eighteen now you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to."

"That's Okay, Dad," she hugged him again

"Kassie," she said to her new friend "The Pajama tree is in the north corner of the garden and there's a slipper tree right next to it."

"Thanks" said Kassie taking the hint and leaving to fetch the items.

Downstairs in the garden she found roaring dandy-lions, two-lips that kept trying to kiss her, fluttering butter-fly bushes, fire breathing snap dragons (placed by them selves to protect the other plants), and a plethora of various other magical flowers and trees. A pitcher plant stirred its contents as she walked past it, and the blue bells next to it tinkled lightly. The center piece was a huge water-lily display Kassie had thought at first to be a fountain. She breathed deeply. Everything smelled so lovely and fresh. She closed her eyes and imagined for a moment that she actually did live here and had a garden just like this one. Maybe Marsha was right, maybe Xanth wasn't all that bad. She thought she would like to see more villages like this one and meet more families like Marsha's.

She looked down and noticed she was standing on dirt instead of the stones of the garden path. The path had wandered off when she wasn't paying attention, but even this added a certain charm to the arrangement. Stepping carefully, so as not to crush any of the delicate plants, she picked her way back to the meandering path and followed it to the trees Marsha had described.

When one has only been in Xanth for half a day the simplest things can seem perplexing; Kassie stared at the pajama tree in awe. There were night gowns, and night shirts; one piece pajamas and two piece pajamas, wrap-round's and pullovers. They came in every color and pattern imaginable, in silks, and satins, brocades, and knits.

Kassie chose a blue two piece with sleepy looking clouds all over it. But when she tried to pull it down it was caught on the branch. Caught on, Cotton, she glared at the pun, everything here thought it was so funny. She picked a long embroidered purple gown and matching slippers instead.

She ran her hand over the inlaid jewels on the slipper. It was so beautiful; fit for a queen or at the very least a crown princess. She started to put them back.

"Don't do that," Kassie turned around to see Anna walking toward her "You've already picked them after all."

"I'm sorry," said Kassie "It's just that they're so nice I thought you might object to me wearing them."

"The only objection I have to you wearing that gown and those slippers," remarked her hostess "is that they are not your color."

"But I love purple," Kassie objected

"Love it or hate it," said Anna "it doesn't like you. With your coloring you should avoid all purples, except for deep plum and wine stain. Trust me, I was an image consultant back in Mundania, I know these things"

"Oh," said Kassie "then what should I..."

"Wear this one," Anna pulled down a gold colored two piece "and these," she selected matching slippers from the slipper tree and handed the pile to Kassie.

"I meant, what do you want me to do with the other one?" said Kassie.

"Fold it up and put it in your bag," suggested Anna "You can give it to someone who will look good in it."

"But it belongs to you." protested Kassie "I couldn't keep

it."

"And what would I do with it?" asked Anna "It's not my size, and 'Sha can't wear that shade of purple either. You're doing us a favor by finding someone who can wear it."

Kassie didn't know what else to say so she said "Thank you."

Anna smiled and gave her a hug "I'm glad 'Sha brought you home" she said.

"I'm glad I got to meet you too ma'am," said Kassie.

"Please call me Anna," laughed the woman "I feel like an old lady with a doily bush, when you call me ma'am."

"I'm glad I got to meet you Anna," both women laughed and walked back to the house arm in arm.

"Mom!" called Travis from behind a closed door "Monster under My Bed wants another pillow!"

Anna rolled her eyes "I don't have time to gather pillows for things that don't exist!" she called back "You want another pillow, you pick it yourself!" She carried her bundle down the hall and through another door.

Travis opened his door and poked his head out.

"Having monster problems?" asked Kassie

"Yeah," he admitted "did you ever have a monster under the bed when you were my age? I mean in mundania."

"A monster under the bed," said Kassie trying to sound as shocked and insulted as she could without laughing "Don't be ridiculous. Mine lived in my closet."

Kassie skipped up the stairs leaving the child in a state of complete confusion. Apparently, in Xanth, monsters didn't frequent too many closets.

She passed Russell on her way up the stairs and found Marsha in her room still crying but not looking as upset as she had before.

"Hi Kass," Marsha sniffed and smiled wanly when she saw her "did you find the tree okay?"

"Yeah," Kassie held up the two-piece "Are you sure it's okay if I decide to stay the night?"

Marsha sniffed again and laughed "I wasn't planning on giving you a choice about it. I told you it's too dangerous to go walking around Xanth at this hour."

"The guide book says the path is perfectly safe to sleep on," objected Kassie.

"It is," explained Marsha "but if you sleep out there, I wont have any excuse for a pillow fight!" she launched a pillow at Kassie who reached for a weapon of her own. They laughed and screamed as pillows and stuffing flew everywhere until both of them were exhausted.

Finally, still laughing and gasping for breath, they each collapsed on a pile of the mess.

"Kassie" asked Marsha "can I call you my friend?'

"'Course," said Kassie.

"I've never had a friend before," Marsha pulled apart a piece of pillow stuffing "It has to do with my talent; it's not considered lady like you see. And now that I'm in the DAC I want to find a guy to marry." She sighed "no guys gonna, I mean going to, want to marry a girl who's uglier than he is. That's why I want to go see the Good Magician. I want to ask him what I can do about my talent so I can find someone to be with."

"Oh, I see," said Kassie "so escorting me to see him is just an excuse to get in your self."

"I know it sound selfish, but this is just the excuse I need to get out of this place."

"But your village is beautiful," objected Kassie

"Yeah," laughed Marsha "I'm sure you think so, but you haven't been stuck here for the past eighteen years. The last time I was out in Xanth proper was when the stork was bringing me here."

"Alright, Marsha," said Kassie "I'll go with you."

It took Marsha a moment to register this "Really? You will?" she asked excitedly.

"Sure," shrugged Marsha "it means a lot to you, and you're my friend now. I just don't promise to enjoy myself."

"Wow thanks!" Marsha threw her arms around Kassie "You're the best..." she stopped short "I forgot," she said "you haven't seen me uglier than an ogress. You'll probably stop liking me when you see me like that."

Kassie held up her right pinky "I Kassie, do solemnly pinky swear," she began "that I will still be your friend when you, Marsha, are uglier than the ugliest ogress."

"Pinky swear?"

"It's a custom in Mundania," explained Kassie still holding up the finger "a very, very, powerful oath."

"Oh," said Marsha "do I need to do anything my self to seal the oath?" "You sure do," said Kassie "Give me your right hand."

Marsha presented the requested hand which Kassie arranged appropriately. Once their pinkies were linked Kassie said "Now we are bound and must be friends forever. Do you pinky swear?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you pinky swear to be my friend forever?"

"Sure" said Marsha "Of course I DO."

"Then say it."

"I pinky swear to be your friend forever."

"Great!" Kassie released her pinky "Now let's get some sleep, I'm tired."

"Good night," yawned Marsha.

"Good night" answered Kassie

"Kass,"

"Yes Marsha?'

"Call me 'Sha, Okay."

"Okay, 'Sha." Kassie changed into the pajamas and curled up on a pile next to the window.

Nimby smiled as he watched the pair fall asleep. Young Marsha had no idea just how much she had already done for the land of Xanth. He noticed two night mares entering the room, and turned them away; his only explanation to them being that he did not need to give explanations.

Authors Notes:

1. Sorry about the long chapter, I couldn't find a way to shorten it.

2. I know, I know it took me nine chapters just to get her to the end of her first day in Xanth

3. Want to talk to me about fan fiction? Mine? Yours? Anyones?My YIM, AIM, and MSN IM are all rbdfrs. My ICQ # is 244-887-924.

4. If you're going to IM me please introduce yourself as frequenting the fan fiction sight. Sorry,I've been having problems with trolls.

5. I know this chapter is kind of dry compared to my others but I needed a way to coherse her into staying.

6. I wish I didn't have so much homework. I would get this done sooner.

7. I'm no longer a archaeology major. I had gone into it to learn about the evolution of different cultures, instead I'm getting lectures on how much better every other culture besides that of the United States is. Don't know what my new major will be. Probably English. (write professionally). I don't know, I'm confused. Okay that's my rant for this chapter.


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